Category: Parent Talk
I feel like I havent been spending enough time with my son. for the last 16 months i've been a stay at home mom, and now I just can't do that any more. we feel like we never see each other when i come home from work he klings to me and I can't get a single thing done same thing in the mornings before we leave for work. that coupled with the fact that i'm also going to school has really made him act out. I don't know what to do to make the situation better, it's hard on him, and it's also hard on me. any tips?? i'd like to know the most perductive way to spend my time with my toddaler when he's going threw this rough patch. playing in the flore and lots of kuddles arent fixing this. I don't know if it's also combined with the stage he's at or what but he's really been a mess for my mom. and he's never that way with me in the evenings or on the weekends. i'm talking tantrums, and opening the fridg and throwing the contence everywhere, which i'll be fixing this weekend with a saifty lock. and skreeming and crying and it's frustrating my mom because like I said above, he's not doing any of that to me, but I think he's really just testing her. because she's spoiled him this hole time and he's never been dissaplened by her and now that she's with him alone, 10 hours a day he really takes advantage of that.
we have a struggle every morning because as he's eating his breakfast i'll be putting on my shoes and he'll want to go and get down and put on his shoes also, and when he figures out that he's not going, o man, he's upset. I try to get ready with out him knowing to avoid the fight it will cause when i try to walk out the dore but something always happens. and I will not, nore do I want to leave for the day with out saying goodbye to him. it's tough.
What about giving him a stuffed animal or a similar toy that smells like you? As easily as you can, explain to him that since you can't be home with him all the time, his new toy is there to remind him that you love him and that you're always watching over him. It might be an easier way to help him understand that while you aren't right next to him all of the time, you want to be, and that might make him feel a little more secure.
I hope some real parents have more help for you.
As with so many things, some of it is just patience while he is getting through this.
Another thought. It might be financially impossible for you, but how about him going to some sort of day care one or two days a weekÐ
We found a stay at home day care on CraigsList, she´s fantastic, with a masters degree in child psychology, certified by the state and has her own child, takes $41 a day, including meals.
If you could put him with other kids in some sort of day care a couple of days a week it might be easier on you, your mom and him. That way he gets to go out too, spend some time with other kids and have fun. The big pre school day care type places are not good for that as they offer no flexibility, charge you $60 a day and usually only allow you 3 or full ime schedules, which will wipe out most people´s income in a heartbeat.
But our sons are both very happy to get out and change environments twice a week and we´re all happy to get some relax time.
I know not everyone is fortunate enough to be able to do this, but if you could may be pay one day, your mom help by paying another, he might feel much happier and you get some rest and less worrying.
I absolutely love the daycair idea! that's aussom! i can get him with other kiddo's and give my mom a brake! now i'll have to find a good place to take him at leaste once a week.
thanks for all ideas
Look under @childcare@ on Craigslist in your area. Remember there are a few bad apples on there, so meet with the provide you think you like and lives conveniently close. I look at the ads, how they are spelled and how they are put and go by that, then ask for any recommendations and state certification and then, if it all checks out well, meet with the day care provider.
I only needed two tries to find a good one for the boys.
And expect, like I said, around $40 a day, at least in NC it seems to be the going rate.
first of all, I have to sound off on this. working moms is a stupid term. Women who stay at home work very hard. I prefer to say that I work outside the home. Stay at home moms work at home.
the day care is a good idea. you might also want to look at your church. often they have moms day out programs that can give your care giver a break for a small amount of money. also cooperative nurseries. that is where you take the kid for a several hours a day and chip in with work or whatever is needed so many times a year.
licensed family daycare is definitely the best way to go though. kids interact with a wide variety of people in different ages and it is a home like environment.
as for the acting out and stuff. it is partlly the age. your son is realizing that he has the power to manipulate his environment and the people in it. once he realizes that grandma and you both react the same way this will stop. he will also cry in the morning to get you to stay. this is very hard. you have to go to work. he is with grandma. something that i did for a while was read some of my kids favorite stories on to tapes. when they went down for their naps, the tapes would be put in and they could hear my voice.
If you are in school they might have a day care that will be free to you. Your state will also have a working mothers program that will pay all the cost if you are eligible. Day care is the way, but also don't avoid him. Get up early, have the fight he wants to have, allow him to put on his shoes when you do, but he must get use to disappointment, and needs some disaplen if he's acting up.Spoil the child and you have a harder time later. Difficult I understand not to, but life is life. Teach him so.
sorry about afending people with the turm working mom. i stayed home with my son for 16 months, sorry, if any one knows about working, it's also me. I know how hard it is to take care of a kiddo, my job is actuilly easier then taking care of my son, but money needs to be brot in and I have no other choice, I said my job is easier, but i'd much rather be at home with my son. money pays the bills, but nothing warms my heart quite like his laughs all threw out the day. and the book idea is grate, I think i'll record him some things to night.
and thanks for the suggestions about daycare, they were all wonderful ideas.
i was not offended. I just wanted you to get the credit you deserved. you are right. in many ways working away from the home is easier physically. emotionally often it can be much more challenging.
I think daycare is a good idea. I feel like kids need more than just cousins to play with because kids they don't know present different challenges, and kids are forced to work through things. I'm not saying that kids aren't forced to work through issues with other family members who happen to be their age. I'm just saying it's different. Also, when kids go to daycare, they don't get as sick when they are in school because they are used to more germs. I've seen many kids who stayed home with mom until they were five. Then when they went off to school, they stayed sick all the time practically. My mom runs a daycare. She teaches some preschool classes too, and when it's time for her kids to go to school, they're ready. I am totally all for daycare even if it is just part-time. However, the issue with part-time daycare is the child's routine isn't consistent which can be hard, but i mean, whatever works.I need to say this too. There has been an idea passed around that unless you stay at home with your children, you aren't a good mother. That, in my opinion, is utter rubbish! 1, I've seen many kids whose parents have stayed home with them, and they're spoiled and they don't know how to act when they go to school because they got to do whatever they wanted at home. Daycare provides structure which normally isn't found necessarily in the home. When I say structure, I mean like routines and such. You do things at this time and that time. LOL, The big thing for me is the socialization. Kids need that so badly, and it needs to come from more than just family I think.Second of all, not many parents these days can afford to stay home. Living is costly, and raising a family is even more costly these days it seems like. Anyway, sorry for this really long post.:)
i think it depends on the type of day care. one of those big institutional kind like we have at my work is not a good choice for me at least. 1. they have values free education. this means that your child does not get disciplined if he/she does domething wrong. 2. the salaries for the workers suck. therefore the turn over is very high. this makes attaching to people very traumatic for young kids.
Oh I see. my mom does the family daycare. She's been open for almost seventeen years and has had the same helper from day one.:) It's rather nice. The kids learn through play for the most part although they do have some classes, but they aren't more than an hour a day and they only go on when school is in session.:)
the kids who are with your mom are getting the best. give her a hug for me.